“If you want donuts after Mass, then you have to be a good boy.”
“If you don’t pick up those toys right now, I’m telling your dad and then you will be crying!”
We have all either said these things or heard them recently. And likely both. If you control your child’s behavior with rewards and/or punishments now, what happens when he is no longer under your roof?
You need to help your child develop self-discipline right from the beginning. Start by allowing your child to choose and make some decisions. This freedom of choice supports independence and is crucial for their development. Yet this freedom does not mean chaos, for with it comes responsibility.
Allow me to further explain with another family – Paul, Mary, and their son Dominic who was almost 5 years old. Paul used an overly stern, harsh voice and/or pushed Dominic in the corner to keep him “in line.” Mary thought it best to love Dominic by doing everything for him and giving him lots of candy and gold stars to get him to do what she wanted.
When a child’s will is inhibited or substituted by the will of the adult, it makes it almost impossible for the child to develop his will.
So in this case, Paul and Mary began to give Dominic the opportunity to make some choices. Do you want to wear the blue shirt or the yellow shirt? Would you like an apple or an orange? Would you like to play in the sandbox or ride your bike?
They also started letting him do that which he was capable of, such as getting dressed, preparing a snack and setting the table.
And now all guidelines were based on three things – respect for oneself, respect for others and respect for the environment (home, car, Grandma’s). Most of their previous rules either tended to be arbitrary or patronizing.
Like many parents, Paul and Mary were initially doing what they thought was best out of love. They were greatly relieved and thankful when they witnessed how Dominic thrived under self-discipline. It takes time, but it is coming from within the child instead of being imposed.
Helping your child develop responsibility, concentration and self-discipline starts at a young age! (#RCD)
Now is an important time. Otherwise, you will be dealing with pain and guilt later. All your hard work will be down the drain as your 18-year-old leaves home with no initiative, a weak character and/or impulsive behavior. Or even worse … prayer, Mass and Scripture go by the wayside.
*Names may be changed to protect the confidentiality of clients.
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