It might seem quicker just to wait until Thomas goes to bed and clean the mess yourself, but what happens when he leaves home? And if you continue to pick up after him, when do you get a moment of down time?
One may be surprised at this, but what many have termed the “terrible twos” or “troublesome threes” is really about the child being misunderstood. These reactions reflect a child’s need for order and usually stem from a change in their routine or environment (i.e., home, car, school, etc.).
You can give your child a sense of control and order by establishing consistent, daily routines, even if that means holding yourself and your spouse accountable to maintaining those routines.
When David and Catherine first came to me, they were experiencing countless power struggles with their 3-year-old son Anthony. Walking into their home, one could consistently see piles of unfolded laundry on their couch, shoes scattered throughout the home, and the kitchen counters full of dirty dishes and yesterday’s lunch. In the morning, one of them would quickly dress Anthony, carry him to the car often screaming, and hand him a granola bar to eat on the way as they usually were running late. Although they tried to eat dinner as a family most evenings, Anthony would commonly refuse to pick up his toys and bedtime always seemed to be a battle.
Anthony’s behavior was a consequence of a lack of order and organization. I had David and Catherine look at their home and create a few dedicated spaces for Anthony’s coat, shoes, books, toys, and clothes that Anthony could easily access and keep organized. During this process, we also found a few quick things they could do so clean laundry no longer piled up and shoes could easily be found. We then developed simple, predictable routines to follow in the morning and in the evening.
Much to their surprise, David and Catherine noticed Anthony shift from “acting like a brat” to a child who was loving and happy as his love for his new spaces of order emerged. The stress and yelling at Anthony to pick up his shoes and more dropped significantly as Anthony was now experiencing peace. David and Catherine not only enjoyed being with their son more, but they noticed less strain on their marriage. And that’s a win-win in my book!
Many families fail to meet their young child’s need for external order and in the process, hinder their development. But this is not the path for you!
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