DOES YOUR CHILD OBEY OUT OF SUBMISSIVENESS OR COERCION OR WITH ANTICIPATION & JOY?

  • Sep 17, 2020 05:38 PM Central
  • Christa Bauer
  • 0 Comments
DOES YOUR CHILD OBEY OUT OF SUBMISSIVENESS OR COERCION OR WITH ANTICIPATION & JOY?

Very closely connected with the idea of freedom is the concept of obedience. This too is a concept that can be misunderstood as people have many different points of view. Sometimes we see obedience as desirable in the sense that someone is compliant. Sometimes it is considered a virtue, but not always for the right reason as there might be an element of submissiveness or coercion. It can be a form of control, power over another. But this is not life-enhancing, so let’s dig a little deeper.

 

There is a correlation between the development of the will and obedience. It is a desirable notion, so there is no thought of having power over another. Through her observations, Dr. Maria Montessori speaks of three levels of obedience.

 

In the first level, obedience is like a happy accident, somehow the child obeys. What is typical is that the child is impulsive and not consistent. So the child obeys sometimes, but not all the time. “It is a period in which obedience and disobedience seem to be combined!” (Maria Montessori, The Absorbent Mind). 

 

It is important for us to remember that obedience is a result of development, so we mustn’t hold it against the child. It is not the child deliberately acting against us, but just not able to adequately obey at this point. Sometimes a child may have the desire to obey, but not the capacity. They may strive, but they can’t yet manifest it. If we remember this, then we are much more likely to look at this child with compassion instead of judgment.

 

There is some progression when the child moves on to the second level of obedience. Dr. Montessori says the child now has the will and the ability to obey, so he is not prevented from the functional standpoint. “His powers are now consolidated and can be directed not only by his own will, but also by the will of another” (Maria Montessori, The Absorbent Mind). So he is now able to see the perspective of another, instead of just his own preference. Dr. Montessori points out that even if the child obeys, he doesn’t derive a lot of pleasure from doing so. She makes a comparison between the second level and traditional schooling – the child obeys the teacher. 

 

Yet Dr. Montessori went further and observed a third level of obedience. This is beyond the norm and standard expectation. The culmination of obedience is the third stage, but this requires that the child has been allowed to develop according to the laws of nature. 

 

At this point the child is able to obey at will. He can master himself out of this own choice. Now the child doesn’t obey grudgingly, but out of his own desire and out of this own choice, and he is able to do that too. Dr. Montessori said that the child in the third stage obeys “with eager anticipation and joy.” Children obey because they see they can influence the life of others and influence the life of their community. In a way they can see beyond themselves. 

 

It should be clear that when speaking of obedience in the Montessori context we do not mean submissive blind obedience as that can be very destructive. The Montessori principles, environment, and adult support independence rather than dependency. The child is allowed to act out of freedom and love, to act with conviction and determination for the good of the group. She becomes able to put the collective interest above her personal gain, but does not feel it is a sacrifice. 

 

The prepared environment enables this spontaneous discipline to develop. Dr. Montessori says “the environment factor is without a doubt subsidiary to the phenomena of life. It can modify, as it can help or destroy, but it can never grow” (Maria Montessori, The Discovery of the Child). It is a vehicle. Neither the environment, nor the adult, can cause this. As the child constructs herself, the potential lies within. This notion of spontaneous discipline that occurred in the beginning was not taken in easily by people. They were quite surprised. So there is no magic potion, but we need to provide the conditions that are favorable for this to emerge. 

 

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How To Provide a Simple, Accessible Water Source to Help Your Child Acquire Independence

  • Aug 3, 2020 05:23 PM Central
  • Christa Bauer
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How To Provide a Simple, Accessible Water Source to Help Your Child Acquire Independence

I watched with delight as my 21-month-old niece filled up her small, glass pitcher with water, walked across the deck, poured the water into the bowl, and returned to get more … over and over. She didn’t need or want stickers or rewards. She was fulfilling an inner need. 

 

When I arrived at my mom’s, I needed to set up a few works for my nieces and nephew. As their ages are 21 months, 3 ½, and almost 6, we would start with practical life activities, such as hand washing and flower arranging. These are real activities with real tools designed for repetition.

 

Dr. Maria Montessori realized that these activities had a different function for children as they repeated it over and over. Young children do it for an interior motive. As they get closer to second plane (around age 5 or 6), they do it because they see a need in the environment, such as in washing a table.

 

With warm weather and plenty of shade on my mom’s back deck, we headed outside. And activities with water always seem to be quite enticing!

 

Using child-sized, real tools (even glass vases and pitchers), the children could now choose from handwashing, flower arranging, window washing, table washing, and plant work. As one of the direct aims of these activities is to help the child acquire independence in caring for herself and her environment, we would need a water source that the children could easily access. 

 

With no running water or a sink on the deck, I happened to find a coffee dispenser in the garage that was still in the box. You could also use a beverage dispenser. As you can see in the photo, I set it on a small stool and moved it to the back so they could set their pitcher down while filling. The handle was easy for them to use to start and stop the water flow. 

 

I refilled the dispenser with water many times, but it allowed the children to get as much water as they needed for their work and as often as they wanted easily and safely.

 

This functional independence also helps the child develop dignity and self-esteem. She is capable and wants to do it herself. The child needs to be presented the steps necessary to carry out the task, but then we let her practice and do it in her own way. The purpose is not for her to imitate our actions exactly, but to fulfill an inner need. 

 

As the child goes from one conquest to the next, naturally, she is highly motivated to keep challenging herself. It is motivation from within. 

 

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How Sweeping, Washing, & Dusting Build the Character of a Young Child

  • Jul 10, 2020 03:47 PM Central
  • Christa Bauer
  • 0 Comments
How Sweeping, Washing, & Dusting Build the Character of a Young Child
The young child washes the table over and over, not because the table is dirty, but to fulfill an inner need. It is the process, not the product. She is striving to self-perfect each movement, all the while growing in her ability to concentrate and focus. 
 
Contrary to popular belief, given the opportunity and the right tools, a child can concentrate longer than 5 minutes. Ordinary tasks that we do as adults, such as cleaning, washing, sweeping, and cooking, are referred to as practical life activities in a Montessori classroom. The child is familiar with these activities because they see adults do them every day. 

But for the child they are not just ordinary tasks; they are developmental, and they serve an inner purpose. To young children they can be magical. And since they want to adapt and be like us, they want to do them as well. The moment they show interest in doing them, they should be allowed to help. 
 
Why are children so attracted to these exercises? 
1) Simple, clear, and concrete purpose. 
2) Brief and repeated often. 
3) When they see you do it (like sweeping), they see in a concrete way the succession of actions necessary to do this task. 

Their will is activated - “I want to do that.” If allowed to do them, they repeat them over and over. They then begin to focus and concentrate. This focusing and concentration leads to coordinated movement, integration of mind and body. The actions of the body are coming under the guidance of the intelligence, which is purposeful movement. 

 As the child is able to do more and more of these activities, she becomes independent. And providing the tools for the child to become functionally independent within her environment, she begins to grow in confidence.
    
“An interesting object, a series of movements revolving around this object, and the fixing of attention by the action being done, is the most effective manner of calling the wandering mind of the child. The education of the mind of the child is thus tied up to his movements and to the education of these movements” (Maria Montessori, Creative Development in the Child Volume I).
 
It is interesting to note that there were no Exercises of Practical Life in the first Children’s House in 1907 (50 children ages 3-6). But because Dr. Montessori was a doctor and interested in hygiene, she decided to teach them a few things. She noticed that they would do it, such as washing their hands, and then repeat it over and over. She realized these activities had a different function for children. 

Young children do it for an interior motive. As they get closer to the second plane (around age five or six), they do it because they see it as a need in the environment, such as in washing a table. After observing this, Dr. Montessori decided that the practical life activities are essential for children to have, both in the home and in the classroom. 

These are real activities with real tools designed for repetition. And while considered by most adults to be utilitarian and mundane, to the young child, they are constructive, enjoyable activities and help the child build her character.

Ready for more? Discover the joy of a Montessori and Catholic inspired home with our free checklist!


 
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