Start by teaching your child to make the sign of the cross. Silently show the gesture, then add the corresponding words to the gesture. They can practice this with morning prayers, meal prayers, and bedtime prayers. Another opportunity to practice is to hang a small holy water font by the front door that your child can reach and make the sign of the cross with holy water as you come and go.
To maintain the sanctity of the space and their focus, avoid using phones or food as distractions, as well as bringing toys or letting them play in the back. These boundaries help them understand and respect the Mass as a time of worship, not play. It is also helpful if your child has had a nutritious meal beforehand, minimizing sugar to help them stay calm and attentive.
Bringing a church-related book, such as A Is for Altar, B Is for Bible, with beautiful illustrations of prayers, biblical stories, or the Mass itself can help keep children quietly engaged. These visual aids allow them to connect more deeply with the themes and rituals they're witnessing. (⬆️ Check out the video at the top for 2 more suggested books!)
Foster their curiosity by teaching them the names of the items on the Altar (i.e. paten, chalice, crucifix, etc.) along with its main purpose, which can deepen their reverence and understanding of the Mass.
For parents embarking on this journey, the support of a community can be invaluable. I invite you to join our Facebook group, "Catholic Montessori Parenting: Nurturing Your Child's Faith and Development." It's a place for parents who are passionate about integrating faith into every aspect of their child's life, including developing a love for the Mass. Here, you'll find strategies, experiences, and a supportive community to guide you in nurturing your child's spiritual growth.
“If you want donuts after Mass, then you have to be a good boy.”
“If you don’t pick up those toys right now, I’m telling your dad and then you will be crying!”
We have all either said these things or heard them recently. And likely both. If you control your child’s behavior with rewards and/or punishments now, what happens when he is no longer under your roof?
You need to help your child develop self-discipline right from the beginning. Start by allowing your child to choose and make some decisions. This freedom of choice supports independence and is crucial for their development. Yet this freedom does not mean chaos, for with it comes responsibility.
Allow me to further explain with another family – Paul, Mary, and their son Dominic who was almost 5 years old. Paul used an overly stern, harsh voice and/or pushed Dominic in the corner to keep him “in line.” Mary thought it best to love Dominic by doing everything for him and giving him lots of candy and gold stars to get him to do what she wanted.
When a child’s will is inhibited or substituted by the will of the adult, it makes it almost impossible for the child to develop his will.
So in this case, Paul and Mary began to give Dominic the opportunity to make some choices. Do you want to wear the blue shirt or the yellow shirt? Would you like an apple or an orange? Would you like to play in the sandbox or ride your bike?
They also started letting him do that which he was capable of, such as getting dressed, preparing a snack and setting the table.
And now all guidelines were based on three things – respect for oneself, respect for others and respect for the environment (home, car, Grandma’s). Most of their previous rules either tended to be arbitrary or patronizing.
Like many parents, Paul and Mary were initially doing what they thought was best out of love. They were greatly relieved and thankful when they witnessed how Dominic thrived under self-discipline. It takes time, but it is coming from within the child instead of being imposed.
Helping your child develop responsibility, concentration and self-discipline starts at a young age! (#RCD)
Now is an important time. Otherwise, you will be dealing with pain and guilt later. All your hard work will be down the drain as your 18-year-old leaves home with no initiative, a weak character and/or impulsive behavior. Or even worse … prayer, Mass and Scripture go by the wayside.
*Names may be changed to protect the confidentiality of clients.
You might find that your child can never seem to just focus on one task. They jump from game to game, screen to screen, and now with more online schooling, it seems to be getting even worse.
It is possible to foster greater concentration – but to do this you’ll need to set up a few hands-on activities with real, child-sized tools (my top 12 items) that they can repeat over and over – and then be willing to let the child truly focus. We tend to interrupt children without even realizing it.
Let’s see what happened with Luke and Teresa. Their daughter Gianna, who had recently turned 4, was hyper and boisterous, like many other children. Often she was given one of their phones to play games, watch videos, or sing songs – all of which were “educational and parent-approved.”
We initially started working together as they were struggling with Gianna ignoring their pleas, getting angry over small matters, or being so hyper they could not get anything done.
It only took a beautiful and fragile material that fit in Gianna’s tiny hands to get her excited about order. After Teresa showed her the process for flower arranging, she stepped back and let Gianna work.
For the next 20 minutes, Gianna continued to repeat the activity – filling her small, glass pitcher with water to pour it into a glass or porcelain vase that she had chosen. Gianna loved cutting the flowers to size with child-sized scissors and placing the vase on a doily at various places in the home.
Oblivious to what was going on around her, they noticed that her body was calm and her eyes intently focused on this activity. In the past, Luke and Teresa would have interrupted her by trying to help her carry her pitcher, telling her “good job”, or only letting her do one vase/flower.
Now they knew that a child should be free to repeat the activity as many times as she wants and not to interrupt a child who is concentrating. They also now understood that it was about the process, not the product. The flower didn’t have to be cut perfectly nor the vase filled to just the right amount of water.
Seeing her engaged in her work with a peaceful joy (for 20 minutes!) was a welcomed sight indeed! With more activities like this set up and available for Gianna to work on, the temptation to give her their phone quickly declined.
As you’ve seen, it’s important that the adult learn when to intervene and when not to, for unnecessary help can impede the child’s development.
***When you are ready for the third reason in this series, head on over to Why Catholic Families Struggle to Develop Their Child's Full Potential- Part 3 of 3
It might seem quicker just to wait until Thomas goes to bed and clean the mess yourself, but what happens when he leaves home? And if you continue to pick up after him, when do you get a moment of down time?
One may be surprised at this, but what many have termed the “terrible twos” or “troublesome threes” is really about the child being misunderstood. These reactions reflect a child’s need for order and usually stem from a change in their routine or environment (i.e., home, car, school, etc.).
You can give your child a sense of control and order by establishing consistent, daily routines, even if that means holding yourself and your spouse accountable to maintaining those routines.
When David and Catherine first came to me, they were experiencing countless power struggles with their 3-year-old son Anthony. Walking into their home, one could consistently see piles of unfolded laundry on their couch, shoes scattered throughout the home, and the kitchen counters full of dirty dishes and yesterday’s lunch. In the morning, one of them would quickly dress Anthony, carry him to the car often screaming, and hand him a granola bar to eat on the way as they usually were running late. Although they tried to eat dinner as a family most evenings, Anthony would commonly refuse to pick up his toys and bedtime always seemed to be a battle.
Anthony’s behavior was a consequence of a lack of order and organization. I had David and Catherine look at their home and create a few dedicated spaces for Anthony’s coat, shoes, books, toys, and clothes that Anthony could easily access and keep organized. During this process, we also found a few quick things they could do so clean laundry no longer piled up and shoes could easily be found. We then developed simple, predictable routines to follow in the morning and in the evening.
Much to their surprise, David and Catherine noticed Anthony shift from “acting like a brat” to a child who was loving and happy as his love for his new spaces of order emerged. The stress and yelling at Anthony to pick up his shoes and more dropped significantly as Anthony was now experiencing peace. David and Catherine not only enjoyed being with their son more, but they noticed less strain on their marriage. And that’s a win-win in my book!
Many families fail to meet their young child’s need for external order and in the process, hinder their development. But this is not the path for you!
